After doing fables for a few weeks, I'm going to start mixing in jokes from the "Philogelos" jokebook. I hope you will like the jokes! Although they don't get a lot of attention nowadays, these jokes were commonly included in elementary Greek readers in the 19th century.
So, today's stories come from Turner's Easy Latin and Greek Passages and the jokes are from Rushbrooke's First Greek Reader, both available at the Internet Archive; Rushbrooke's book contains a dictionary in the back.
Here are the stories and jokes, presented in Greek, segmented, and then interwoven with English. The titles are linked to the Internet Archive page.
Φασὶν, ὅτε φωνήεντα ἦν τὰ ζῶα, τὴν ὄϊν πρὸς τὸν δεσπότην εἰπεῖν, Θαυμαστὸν ποιεῖς, ὅς ἡμῖν μὲν ταῖς καὶ ἔριά σοι καὶ ἄρνας καὶ τυρὸν παρεχούσαις οὐδὲν δίδως, ὅ τι ἄν μὴ ἐκ τῆς γῆς λάβωμεν· τῷ δὲ κυνὶ, ὅς οὐδὲν τοιοῦτόν σοι παρέχει, μεταδίδως οὗπερ αὐτὸς ἔχεις σίτου. τὸν κύνα οὖν ἀκούσαντα εἰπεῖν, Ναὶ, μὰ Δία· ἐγὼ γάρ εἰμι ὁ καὶ ὑμᾶς αὐτὰς σώζων ὥστε μήτε ὑπ᾽ ἀνθρώπων κλέπτεσθαι μήτε ὑπὸ λύκων ἁρπάζεσθαι: ἐπεὶ ὑμεῖς γε, εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ προφυλάττοιμι ὑμᾶς, οὐδ᾽ ἂν νέμεσθαι δύναισθε, φοβούμεναι μὴ ἀπόλησθε. οὕτω δὴ λέγεται καὶ τὰ πρόβατα συγχωρῆσαι τὸν κύνα προτιμᾶσθαι.
Φασὶν, ὅτε φωνήεντα ἦν τὰ ζῶα,
τὴν ὄϊν πρὸς τὸν δεσπότην εἰπεῖν,
Θαυμαστὸν ποιεῖς,
ὅς ἡμῖν μὲν
ταῖς καὶ ἔριά σοι καὶ ἄρνας καὶ τυρὸν παρεχούσαις
οὐδὲν δίδως,
ὅ τι ἄν μὴ ἐκ τῆς γῆς λάβωμεν·
τῷ δὲ κυνὶ,
ὅς οὐδὲν τοιοῦτόν σοι παρέχει,
μεταδίδως
οὗπερ αὐτὸς ἔχεις σίτου.
τὸν κύνα οὖν ἀκούσαντα εἰπεῖν,
Ναὶ, μὰ Δία·
ἐγὼ γάρ εἰμι
ὁ καὶ ὑμᾶς αὐτὰς σώζων
ὥστε μήτε ὑπ᾽ ἀνθρώπων κλέπτεσθαι
μήτε ὑπὸ λύκων ἁρπάζεσθαι:
ἐπεὶ ὑμεῖς γε,
εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ προφυλάττοιμι ὑμᾶς,
οὐδ᾽ ἂν νέμεσθαι δύναισθε,
φοβούμεναι μὴ ἀπόλησθε.
οὕτω δὴ λέγεται
καὶ τὰ πρόβατα συγχωρῆσαι
τὸν κύνα προτιμᾶσθαι.
Φασὶν ... They say that,
ὅτε φωνήεντα ἦν τὰ ζῶα ... when animals could speak,
τὴν ὄϊν ... that the sheep
πρὸς τὸν δεσπότην εἰπεῖν ... said to her master,
Θαυμαστὸν ποιεῖς ... You act strangely,
ὅς ἡμῖν μὲν οὐδὲν δίδως ... giving us nothing
ταῖς παρεχούσαις σοι ... when we give you
καὶ ἔρια καὶ ἄρνας καὶ τυρὸν ... wool and lambs and cheese,
λάβωμεν ... we get
ὅ τι ἄν μὴ ἐκ τῆς γῆς ... only what comes from the land.
τῷ δὲ κυνὶ μεταδίδως ... but you share with the dog
οὗπερ αὐτὸς ἔχεις σίτου ... whatever food you have —
ὅς σοι παρέχει ... the dog who gives you,
οὐδὲν τοιοῦτόν ... nothing like this (that we give).
(Φασὶν) τὸν κύνα οὖν ... The dog
ἀκούσαντα εἰπεῖν ... heard this and said,
Ναὶ, μὰ Δία ... Yes, by god!
ἐγὼ γάρ εἰμι ... For I am the one
ὁ καὶ ὑμᾶς αὐτὰς σώζων ... who saves even you
ὥστε μήτε κλέπτεσθαι ... from being stolen
ὑπ᾽ ἀνθρώπων ... by people
μήτε ἁρπάζεσθαι ... and being seized
ὑπὸ λύκων ... by wolves.
ἐπεὶ γε ... The fact is that
εἰ μὴ ἐγὼ προφυλάττοιμι ὑμᾶς ... if I didn't guard you,
ὑμεῖς οὐδ᾽ ἂν νέμεσθαι δύναισθε ... you couldn't graze,
φοβούμεναι μὴ ἀπόλησθε ... fearing that you'd be killed.
οὕτω δὴ λέγεται ... So it is said that
καὶ τὰ πρόβατα συγχωρῆσαι ... even the sheep agreed
τὸν κύνα προτιμᾶσθαι ... that the dog should be honored.
Σχολαστικῷ τις ἀπαντήσας εἶπεν· Ὃν ἐπώλησάς μοι δοῦλον, ἀπέθανεν. Μὰ τοὺς θεοὺς, ἔφη, παρ' ἐμοὶ ὅτε ἦν, οὐδὲν τοιοῦτον ἐποίησεν.
Σχολαστικῷ
τις ἀπαντήσας εἶπεν·
Ὃν ἐπώλησάς μοι δοῦλον,
ἀπέθανεν.
Μὰ τοὺς θεοὺς, ἔφη,
παρ' ἐμοὶ ὅτε ἦν,
οὐδὲν τοιοῦτον ἐποίησεν.
Σχολαστικῷ τις ἀπαντήσας ... Someone ran into Numskull
εἶπεν ... and said,
Ὃν ἐπώλησάς μοι δοῦλον ... That slave you sold me —
ἀπέθανεν ... he died!
Μὰ τοὺς θεοὺς, ἔφη ... By the gods, the man replied,
παρ' ἐμοὶ ὅτε ἦν ... when he was my slave
οὐδὲν τοιοῦτον ἐποίησεν ... he never did anything like that!
Ἀβδηρίτης τις κολυμβῶν παρὰ μικρὸν ἐπνίγη· ὤμοσε δὲ εἰς ὕδωρ μὴ εἰσιέναι, ἐὰν μὴ μάθῃ πρῶτον καλῶς κολυμβᾶν.
Ἀβδηρίτης τις κολυμβῶν
παρὰ μικρὸν ἐπνίγη·
ὤμοσε δὲ
εἰς ὕδωρ μὴ εἰσιέναι,
ἐὰν μὴ μάθῃ πρῶτον
καλῶς κολυμβᾶν.
Ἀβδηρίτης τις κολυμβῶν ... A fool went swimming
παρὰ μικρὸν ἐπνίγη ... and nearly drowned.
ὤμοσε δὲ ... So he swore
εἰς ὕδωρ μὴ εἰσιέναι ... not to get into the water
ἐὰν μὴ μάθῃ πρῶτον ... before he learned
καλῶς κολυμβᾶν ... how to be a good swimmer.
And here's a random proverb and a random LOLCat too :
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